Archive for September, 2010

September 30, 2010

Bring Your Own Woman

It is no fun to play Who Got the Better Deal in Seattle.  We got off the plane and something became immediately obvious.  Seattle women are not pretty.  Even if you replace the Patagonia wardrobe and put make up on them.  They made me look like a super model.  Ok, maybe not a super model but at least a model.  I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to be a lesbian.  It is so hard to tell what women are straight.  The men though…not so bad.

The grunge look is still going strong too.  Didn’t that die with Kurt Cobain?  I wanted to tell every coffee shop person and waitress I saw that ear plugs and facial piercings are not attractive!  Particularly the hoop through the middle of the nose.

There’s a rumor that everyone wants to move to Seattle after their visit.  The bf decided that was not the case for us for one very important reason.  “If you got in a train wreck and died, I could not be forced to date here.”  Men, if you visit Seattle, make sure you bring your own woman.

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September 29, 2010

Hey Rosetta! at Chop Suey

We were on a mission to see live music while in Seattle.  That’s what you are supposed to do in Seattle, right?  Hey Rosetta!, a 6 piece indie rock band from Canada, was a favorite.  They got me as soon as I saw the banjo and violin.  They have a great layered sound that doesn’t translate quite as well on the album.  Or maybe I’m just a sucker and love everything live.  Check them out for yourself.  I don’t know what it is about a banjo!  Maybe the bf needs a new hobby.

http://www.myspace.com/heyrosetta
http://www.heyrosetta.com/

I can’t close without mentioning the venue…  Chop Suey, it is a tiny and odd space.  You know those giant paper dragons you see in Chinese parades?  Well one was hanging from their low ceiling with a smoke machine in the mouth of the dragon.  I haven’t seen (or smelled) a smoke machine since high school dances.  I was told that I obviously don’t go clubbing.  That is correct.  I am damn near 30 and straight.

September 28, 2010

Hiking in Stilettos

I know what you are thinking, but I am not high maintenance.  I did go to Mt Rainier and explore a bit in stilettos.  That was only because I was still dressed in my airport attire.  Since all of my jeans are hemmed 4” longer than my actual leg length, stilettos are always a must.   Even on a rainy mountain.

Mt Rainier is gorgeous.  We loved everything about it and are planning a trip back to the mountain.  Not necessarily Seattle.  Did you know that it is a glacier and 14,000 people attempt to climb it every year?  At least that’s what the locals said.  We stayed at a quaint lodge that highly encouraged you to book the hot tub by the hour so that you and yours could have “privacy.”  Their words.  I think my face reflected everything I was thinking.  When we were feasting on local grub prior to our scheduled hot tub time, we couldn’t help but watch for couples buying wine and plastic cups to go.  Unfortunately the hot tub is really, really hot and we have a fear of bears.

I digress.  Back to hiking.  I left the stilettos in my suitcase and dressed appropriately for the planned hike the following day.  Yet I was still questioned by the bf.  “Baby, why are you putting on mascara?  We are going hiking.”  You see, I’m smarter than the average blonde.  Because of the mountain’s wondrous beauty, I knew there would be a lot of photos taken.  I needed to make sure my eyes would be poppin’.  I’m not that smart though. My hood was so large that it covered half my face.  At least I felt pretty.

September 27, 2010

Skankasaurus Ex

I know I am stirring the drama pot with today’s post.  Everyone will get over it.  This post is dedicated to every sane woman out there that has a significant other with a bat shit crazy ex.

Kymn, a friend and blogger, caught my attention last week when she referenced her husband’s ex as the Skankasaurus Ex in one of her posts.  Hilarious.  I’m still giggling and admiring her bluntness.  She said exactly what I think to the entire world wide web!  I’m sure you can relate.  Another friend and fellow blogger, Robin, named her bf’s ex Frodo. Why?  Because she is short and ugly with big eyes.  Very mature (note the sarcasm) but Frodo is the one that vandalized his home.  Get the point?  We all have exes and some are worse than others.  Even the beloved bf has his very own hellish ex.  I’ve had the unfortunate displeasure of meeting this mentally unstable woman.  We vacationed together.  Sadly, she does not have a nickname.  I might need Kymn’s help on this one.

The stories could go on and on and believe me when I say that they are quite entertaining and still jaw dropping when looking back.  No amount of prescribed or even self-prescribed xanax could make these ladies normal (I use the term “ladies” loosely).  But one day, the ex and her ghost will disappear.  The good news?  Clearly the guys traded up.  Remember this, there is always a crazier bitch out there…

T-Boz: She burned down his house
Kate Moss
: This one also likes fire
Britney Spears
: Bat wielding maniac
Oksana Grigorieva
: Attempting extortion
Jessica Simpson
:  Poor girl…
J-Woww
: ‘nuf said
Levi Johnston
: Anger issues with Mama Palin
LeAnn Rimes
: Torturing not only her own ex but also her current beau’s ex

September 26, 2010

Goat Confit

While eating my way through Seattle with the bf, I discovered my love for goat.  The furry animal that has delicious and surprisingly healthy meat.  I’ve had an on going love affair with goat cheese for years.  So, I figured anything that produces milk that tasty must also be good for other things.

The bf and I are adventurous diners and enjoy trying things that are rarely found on traditional menus.  The goat confit at Quinn’s immediately caught our attention for several reasons.  The first being that an adorable English couple sitting next to us raved about it.  They were in Seattle solely to eat.  They even researched foodie blogs months prior to their trip.  We were immediately friends.

The second reason is the description of the dish.  “Goat confit, emmer, foie gras, lamb heart, pickled peppers.”  Who wouldn’t want to try lamb heart?  We learned that emmer is an amazing grain.  We are now on the search for it.

The third reason the goat confit caught my attention may come as a surprise.  I am pretty health obsessed. And I recently read that goat meat has half the calories of a porterhouse and more protein. Not sure how healthy it is when you add the foie gras but I chose to ignore that.  I was on vacation.

Check out Quinn’s if your travels take you to Seattle.  Make sure you ask for Matthew at the bar.  That man is pure genius when it comes to food and beer knowledge.
http://www.quinnspubseattle.com/

September 25, 2010

Chic Clogs

The clog is back with the sophisticated 70s fashion trends.  This makes me so very happy.  I skimmed fashion magazines on my flight to Seattle and almost squealed with delight as I flipped page after page and saw all the variations of these beautiful shoes. It also seemed appropriate since I assumed Seattle was full of clog wearing hippies.  I was off a little but more about that later.

Some might say clogs are frumpy or dowdy but I disagree.  If they are good enough for Marc, Tory, and Pedro, then they are good enough for me.  It can be a bit difficult to walk briskly in clogs but shouldn’t you slow down to smell the fresh leather…err roses?

Hoping they would come back in style, I secretly stashed my old clogs from my college days.  While I am telling secrets, I can also admit that I wore my beloved clogs way longer than socially acceptable in the fashion world.  Thankfully I had enough sense to dump the overalls that completed the ensemble (overalls are back too by the way).  Clogs will be a prominent part of my wardrobe as soon as the 85+ degree days leave Dallas.  Bring on the cold.

September 23, 2010

I’m Back!

I took a brief hiatus but I am back in the jungle!  I attended a conference last week and I think we all know how long nights at conferences cause foggy mornings.  I was in no mood to write without biting sarcasm.  BTW, when I posted Quotes I Adore, I happened to forget that the nameless people mentioned all read The Plastic Jungle.  Perhaps an apology is in order, but I like to think that is the risk you take when you hang out with me.

And so after a conference and a 5 day vacation in Seattle, it is time for me to get back on track with my real life and stop eating like I have no shame or concern about wearing anything but pants with elastic waist bands.  Speaking of food, I have upcoming posts about my Seattle food discoveries.  There will also be posts about style, specifically lesbian style, music, and a few wild cards.  I am indeed posting about lesbian style.  I feel that it is time it gets addressed.

September 16, 2010

Quotes I Adore

I have been a little MIA lately.  It has been a busy week with lots of new and old friend in town for a conference.  We have one more night of debotury left.  Until I can recount my stories with vivid detail, I am leaving you with a few quotes from the week.  Let’s see if you think they are as funny as I do or if it is one of those had to be there things.

“Tequila is like a welcoming woman.”
The bf then promptly ordered this gentleman a shot of 1942.

“I would never cheat on my wife in my life, but I just want a cougar to show me the world!”
This was stated when I mentioned that Dragonfly is a bit of a cougar den.

“If this restaurant was a man, I’d marry it.  Or at least have a superficial affair.”
She was thoroughly enjoying her mussels at The Meddlesome Moth.  Are mussels an aphrodisiac?  Her moans make me think so.

“Don’t look back unless you are changing lanes.”
This comment was in regards to whether or not the special guy on eHarmony got away.

Me: “She’s so funny!”
Friend: “Who, me?” Lots of giggles from her about how funny she thinks she is.
Me: “Uh…no…her.” I point at the woman I am speaking about.

“You are a horrible photographer!”
“I am only as good as the people I have to work with”

This was stated about the women who were attempting to recreate sexy poses in painting.  It was painful to watch.

Friend: “I love your blog.”
Me: “Oh my god.  What’s your favorite post and why. Did you read the one about skinny jeans.  What about the one about the bad songs you’re not supposed to love.”
Friend: “Uh…I like the one about Whole Foods.”
Yeah, I was that girl.  I think she was a little frightened by my enthusiasm.  I might need to pull it back a bit.

September 14, 2010

Uptown Life Rule #7

If you don’t want a muffin top, don’t eat a muffin.

September 13, 2010

I Have Bowling Pin Legs

My skinny jeans life rule got so much attention that I deemed the topic worthy further explanation.  In my opinion, skinny jeans are a trend you and I should not follow.  Despite my obsession with food, I’m not a big girl.  My jeans are size 27 but when I wear so called “skinny” jeans, my torso looks like it is supported by upside down bowling pins.  It’s not pretty.  Unless you look like a pre-pubescent girl or play bass in an alternative band (remember my love for Joey from Speak), you probably look as ridiculous as I do.  Take a peek at the pic to the left.  Nicole Richie, scary anorexic, and Fergie, super bangin body, yet skinny jeans make Fergie look plump!  I’ll close with this reminder…don’t try so hard to be stylish that you forget to look good (Uptown Life Rule #4).

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