Archive for October, 2010

October 28, 2010

Candy Connoisseur

I have an obnoxious sweet tooth.  I don’t like the fancy desserts.  Too adult for my taste.  My guilty pleasure is candy.  ALL candy.  With Halloween upon us, it is only appropriate that I create a candy top ten list.  I took a candy quiz this morning and I was rated a candy connoisseur and a calorie expert.  Clearly I know what I’m talking about.  I suppose I am also aware of how many calories I consume when I raid the office candy dish 3 times a day.

  1. Rolos
  2. Resse’s Pieces
  3. Candy Corn (all shapes and sizes, but I prefer the corn)
  4. Sour Patch Kids
  5. Jelly Beans (must be Jelly Belly)
  6. Tootsie Rolls (the little ones)
  7. Sixlets (I recently rediscovered these)
  8. Twizzlers
  9. Swedish Fish
  10. Gum Balls (all kinds)

I am putting this out there so I can be held accountable.  I am giving up candy during the month of November.  Please don’t confuse candy with desserts.  Baby steps, people.

Watch for an upcoming post about Halloween parties and my costume!  I will be on wheels.  Wish me luck.

October 27, 2010

Plastic is not Fantastic

Why, for the love of sweet baby Jesus, would a woman under the age of 40 get plastic surgery?  Yuck.  I have an embarrassing addiction to The Real Housewives.  All cities.  Beverly Hills is especially fascinating.  I completely miss the story line (as if there is one) because I can’t stop dissecting their faces and bodies.  My huge HD TV is too revealing for these plastic ladies.  They don’t even look human anymore but more like variations of Barbie or walking airbrushed ads.

Uptown has its fair share of housewives and plastic.  When I see the pulled, tucked and injected creatures, all I think is that there is probably an attractive woman under there.  Too bad she ruined her face.  I also have a theory that whether you are 30 or 55, botox makes you look 45.  It ages the young and turns the old into expressionless caricatures.  It also seems like it is impossible to get a natural looking fake nose.  I’ll stick with my original.

Have you played the plastic surgery game?  Try it next time you are out.  It makes the salad line at Eatzi’s very entertaining.  I’ve gotten pretty good at identifying fake tatas with a quick, nonchalant glance.

I will also confess that I see the signs of a forehead crack I am tempted to fill.  I am sticking to my Philosophy products for now.  Plastic is not fantastic.

October 26, 2010

Renovation and Cohabitation

The dining room. Where do I put the paint?

The bf and I did not have a typical plastic jungle weekend.  Instead of seeing a band or entertaining friends, we were ripping down drywall and sanding cabinets.  I finally told my parents so now I can announce it to the blog world.  I am going to live with a boy!  That boy would be the bf.

There’s quite a bit of manual labor to get his 98 year old house ready for my invasion.  I thought they would be quick and simple projects.  Paint, get rid of the boy stuff, take over 75% of the closet, etc.  Then I saw the massive pile of drywall and no where to put the paint I painstakingly selected.  Something tells me the paint projects are a little more involved.

You know I like to do things in style (see hiking post) but the stilettos had to go.  Not to worry, I wore diamond earrings.  Ok, they weren’t real but they sparkled a lot.  Even when covered in sheetrock dust.  I also only wore them because I forgot I had them in.  I’m really making myself sound like a fashionista now.  However, I did start planning the 100th birthday bash for the house.  Check your inboxes for invites in early 2013.

Lucy is also making her mark.  She was helping me haul load after load (sans stilettos) to the dumpster and discovered that her new neighborhood is full of cats.  She has picked up the sport of cat hunting.  She chases them up trees and dares them to come down.  I thought it was funny until the bf’s neighbor stepped out on the porch and started calling for Sunshine.  We snuck inside.

I am sure I will be documenting our renovation and cohabitation adventures in TPJ for your reading pleasure.  I’ve already had a couple freak out moments and I can almost promise there will be more.  Did I mention that everything has to be done in 4 weeks?

October 22, 2010

Beer Bitch

You all know about my fondness for wine.  Now I am becoming a beer lover and dare I say snob.  Don’t get me wrong, I still know nothing about beer other than what I think tastes good and a little about what’s “cool” in the beer world.  I owe the expansion of my palette to the bf and The Common Table.  I taste every beer they put in front of me and the people around me (I’m not afraid to share).  I even listen to the story of how it was created.  Who knew I would stop playing camera 1/camera 2 and pay attention to all the boy talk.

I’ve come across a couple favorites.  They both happen to have a champagne cork and loads of bubbles.  Just my style.  The first is a sour beer, Oud Beersel Oude Gueuze Vieille.  We discovered this beer in Seattle and it is #1 on my list.  The second is Brooklyn Local 2.  I was slightly scared of its dark color but the sweet taste had me at the first sip.  I know I can’t fake it until I make it with beer knowledge so read the scoop from the experts themselves.

There is still one problem I have yet to overcome.  I get so full and beer bloat is not cute.  However, it prevents the appearance of the saucy minx (that would be me) typically caused by excessive consumption.

October 21, 2010

Selfish Gift Giver

Sometimes I am a selfish gift giver.  Shush…we all are at some point.  I love shopping for cufflinks.  They are like cocktail rings for men!  They are also the only piece of jewelry (other than a wedding band) men can pull off without toeing the d-bag line.  They are little pieces of flair that tastefully show your personality.

Christmas is coming and I can promise you that the bf will be getting at least one pair.  And they won’t be the boring silver knots or tacky sports logos.  They will be pure style.  He reads TPJ occasionally, especially after the Skankasaurus Ex post, so I can’t reveal what pair I will give him.

I think I deserve an early Christmas present.  I’m on the search for pink crystal skulls and crossbones.  They will look smashing with a conservative pencil skirt and blouse.

Here are a few of my favorite sites for affordable finds.

October 20, 2010

Hooptie in Houston

Oh girl…I am driving a hooptie in Houston this week.  Apparently there is something going on in H-town because it was impossible to get a car.  Or maybe it’s because I booked it approx 12 hours in advance.  I showed up at the Alamo lot and only saw a mini van, Dodge Ram, and Grand Marquis.  Oh yes, I got the hooptie.  The best part…the radio presets are hard core rap, hip hop and one Christian rock station.

Once I got the bench seat adjusted to my liking, I was cruising down 610 and listening to some sexy bedroom music.  Just call me driving Ms Misty.  The car is actually quite comfortable.  I can’t see a damn thing but my ass is cozy.  I can also guarantee that this bad boy will be returned with some sort of bumper scuff.  Good thing the staff was too busy for an inspection.

I giggle every time valet at the uber chic Hotel Derek retrieves the car for me.  When I was headed out to dinner, a group of gentlemen did a double take as I walked past the Rovers and BMWs and got in the Marquis.  I’ve never walked with so much pride.

October 14, 2010

French Translations

I’m feeling a little worldly today, so I’m listening to French pop and synthetic.  Maybe it’s because the ferris wheel at the state fair didn’t fulfill my Parisian dreams.

Prototypes is my band of choice (for today at least).  I try to sing along like I can speak French.  I even make up stories about what I’m singing.  Be glad you don’t have an office near me.

Who’s Gonna Sing is especially catchy but Synthetique is the big winner.



October 13, 2010

Corny Dogs and a Ferris Wheel

I had my first (and last) Texas State Fair experience last night.  There were two requirements – eat a corny dog and ride the ferris wheel.  I checked the former off my list.

Let me start from the beginning.  I selected my outfit 24 hours in advance.  A gingham dress, worn denim jacket, and a cute fedora.  It’s Texas and a fair so gingham is perfect, right?  A wife beater and cap with the tags attached would have been more appropriate.

To avoid Tuesday evening rush hour, the bf decided to cut through South Dallas.  Have you been to South Dallas?  It is straight up ghetto.  There were dice, cards, and crowds drinking 40s on every front porch we passed.  It was like the South Dallas version of happy hour.  Needless to say, I did not blend in with my gingham and BMW.  At least my blonde hair was covered by the fedora.

We arrived at the fair and I immediately realized my expectations were a touch off.  Where were the fancy food booths to sample the latest and greatest fried creation?  I wanted a real life Food Network type of experience.  I also had romantic visions of the ferris wheel.  This time I was imagining Paris or Navy Pier at the very least.  I was wrong again and decided that ride was one ride I didn’t need to experience.  We got a corny dog (delicious btw) and funnel cake and got out in under 45 minutes.

We immediately headed to an old favorite, Tillman’s, to relax with classy cocktails and truffle oil popcorn.  We even made a new friend.  It’s a little fuzzy but I think he sold us studio space in a slightly scary part of town and offered a free trip to Costa Rica.  Suckers.

October 12, 2010

Uptown Life Rule #10

Miss plastic, not fantastic.  Don’t be that girl.

October 11, 2010

I have a confession…

I have a food confession.  I, the self proclaimed food snob, chose to dine at Olive Garden.  You have to give me a pass because we were traveling and starving.  I was craving salad and remembered commercials about endless salad and breadsticks. Here’s another confession…I liked it!  The salad and bread sticks were delicious (I ate the entire bowl that is meant for the table) and the $5.50 price tag is hard to beat.  They also had a wine tasting that afternoon which didn’t hurt.  We were visiting the bf’s family so you would assume I needed all the wine I could get my hands on.  But I actually like them, so the wine was just for my own pleasure.

I perused the rest of the menu and noticed how pricey it is.  Since when are “cheap” restaurants so expensive!  I wanted to whisper to the people next to me that they could go somewhere really good that’s not a chain and spend the same amount of money.

I doubt I will go back anytime soon.  Their ambiance isn’t really my thing.  I will always remember my $5.50 salad and free wine.

%d bloggers like this: