Archive for September, 2011

September 29, 2011

Trade: Beer for Playlist

You would think that with how much we enjoy music, the fiance and I would have no problem making a playlist for the upcoming nuptials.  Nope.  We are avoiding it like I avoid wearing flats.  In fact, can I pay one of you to make a playlist for me?  We pay in pizza and beer.  Really good pizza and beer.  You can figure out what I like based on the music category on this blog.

The hardest part is done though.  We selected “our” song.  Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.  It’s not at all expected or even a slow dance song.  But it is a pretty fantastic love song.

Home is wherever I’m with you
Home is when I’m alone with you

Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

September 28, 2011

Rejected with a Side of Cheese

I got rejected last week.  Big time.  Rejected with a side of cheese.  The article below was written for another publication, but it was sent back to me with heavy edits.  Apparently my style wasn’t quite what they were looking for.  I even used my internal filter!  Who would have thought referencing fart jokes was inappropriate? Their loss is TPJ’s gain!  Enjoy.

During summer of 2011, I made one of the most unimaginable commitments.  I went Paleo. i.e., I eat like a caveman.  And yes, it is much harder than you think.  I am not here to talk about hunting and gathering though.  I’m here to talk about cheese.  I get to cheat one day a week and the majority of my day is focused around that lovely dairy product.  Cheese deserves its own day of worship.  Every Saturday becomes my homage to fromage.

Goat, Gouda, Gruyere…they all make my mouth water and my tummy rumble.  Think about it; cheese is the foundation of every good dinner you have ever attended.  It kicks it off with appetizers and takes you right through the main course.  If you have a respectable host, he or she found a way to work it into dessert too.  Have you had a hard Parmesan with fresh strawberries and a balsamic drizzle?  Oh. My. Goodness.  You haven’t lived until you have had this.

You also make friends with cheese; just don’t cut it.  Just kidding.  Cheese people are people you want to be around!  Their good taste naturally carries over to other food items.  Wine, olives, and don’t forget prosciutto!  Hang around the deli counter next time and you might find yourself a new foodie pal.  Or a date.

What cheese is my favorite?  That is like asking a mother which of her children is her favorite.  We all know she has a favorite but she has trouble admitting the cold, hard facts.  So for now I will tell you that I love them all equally.  But I did highlight a few of my more-favorite types of cheese below.

This is a must on the list because I have been to the region of Italy where it was created.  It has a delicious nutty flavor and can have a sharp taste depending on its age.  I read somewhere that it has tremendous nutritional value and is a requirement for a healthy diet.  I’ll go with that!

Have you had this on a burger?  Stop reading this now and go get a juicy burger with a thick slice of camembert on top.  I will guarantee that you will never become vegetarian after tasting this.  It is a mild cheese with the perfect balance of butter and salt.  Take another bite and you will start to notice the garlic and mushroom flavor.

It comes in all different outfits.  It is most recognizable in the red wax ensemble.  Gouda’s flavors also range from mellow and caramel to smoky and musky.  There is a Gouda for each of your moods.

And last but not least…

This one has a bit of an identity crisis.  Sometimes it is even called chevre.  It ranges from firm in texture to soft.  The flavor is highly influenced by what the goat eats, which tends to be more plants, thus making a more distinctive taste.  This one also has fewer calories than other cheese and is easier to digest than cheese from cow’s milk.  Winner, winner!

September 25, 2011

Wedding Day Spanx

Two weeks until I marry the fiance!  We finally spent a few hours yesterday getting things done to prepare for the day.  My Spanx also arrived.

This is (was) my very first pair of Spanx.  I knew the fiance would be less than thrilled so I didn’t tell him.  Unfortunately I did not think ahead and have them shipped to my office rather than the house.  And of course they arrived when he was home and I was not.  I walked in the door yesterday morning and heard this.

The fiance: Why did you buy Spanx? *very accusatory tone*
Me: To wear under my wedding dress.
The fiance: NOOOOO!!!!!
Me: The dress is sheer!  I have to wear something.
The fiance: Well wear something more attractive.  Like a wrestling suit.

Turns out that he is right. They are pretty freakin’ hideous.  I waited until he fell asleep last night to try them on.  I snuck in the guest room and pulled out the Spanx and the dress.  Boy, those things are awkward!  Then I tiptoed into the bathroom to look in the full length mirror.  They didn’t make a damn difference!  Where is the smoothing and shaping?  I was expecting to see an itty bitty waist and round thing in… well not exactly that, but something more Kim Kardashian-ish.  Instead it was just me wearing a really ugly piece of lingerie.  They are now neatly repacked in their box with a return label.  The fiance won and I will be spending the afternoon looking for a wrestling suit.

September 2, 2011

Groupon Sucker

I had an interesting experience this week.  I got a spray tan.  Not the kind where you step into a giant capsule looking thing and get coated with sticky orange stuff.  But the real looking spray tan.

I got suckered with another Groupon.  This one was 75% off the fancy, less orange tan.  I told the fiance a few nights ago what I was doing.  He raised a disapproving eyebrow and made a sarcastic comment with an obscure analogy.  Whatever.  This pasty white girl needs some color and I don’t want premature wrinkles.

I was a little nervous when I arrived at the salon.  I had heard how these things worked and knew what was coming…  I stood naked in a room while an adorable, skinny girl with a gun full of paint went at me.  She did offer me an optional sheer thong for modesty purposes, which I gladly accepted.  4 long hours and about 16 inspections in the mirror later, I was able to shower.  What happened next?  I watched it all wash down the drain.  Surely it wasn’t all gone.  I still had the fake tan stink.  Later that evening I casually mentioned to the fiance that I got sprayed.  He looked up and said, “Did they miss a spot?”  Like my entire body.

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