Archive for August, 2012

August 28, 2012

Juicing and Rebooting

I am sorry I didn’t share any mouthwatering Monday night dinner photos with you today.  We didn’t cook dinner last night.  We juiced. Yes, juiced.  Doesn’t this go against every fiber in your body when you love to cook as much as the husband and I do?  Well, yes.  But, we were inspired.  We watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and wanted to give it a try.  The inspiration ended at about 11 am on Day 1.  That is when I felt like my stomach was eating itself and all I had to eat, I mean drink, was a juice with far too many vegetables and far too few fruits.  But I still choked it down and rallied.  Shitty mood included.

Until dinner this evening, I was starving, irritable and refusing to take a peek at Pinterest because even the ugliest crockpot, one dish, piece of crap meal would only increase the aforementioned hunger induced irritability.  But  then my mood was lifted.  *tears of happiness*  

It was like seeing rainbows and unicorns after a terrible storm.  The dinner juice was quite possibly some of the most beautiful colors I have ever seen.  And it was delicious!  I was shocked.  Loads of beets, peppers, and sweet potato…sounds like the flavor of dirt to me.  That is not the case!  It was slightly sweet and thick and yummy.  But…I am still hungry.

Now there is the possibility that I thought it was so delicious because I had a wannabe gazpacho for lunch and some nasty green thing for a snack.  I don’t think that is true though.  Even if you have no plans of doing a full on detox, you have to try this recipe.  It was taken from the Reboot Your Life program.

Sunset Blend Juice

  • 1 lg Sweet Potato
  • 1 med Carrot
  • 1 Red Bell Pepper
  • 2 lg Red Beets
  • 2 Golden Delicious Apples
  • 1 Orange (optional)

Juice, Pour over ice, Enjoy!

The “Enjoy!” with the very enthusiastic exclamation point was Reboot’s.  Not mine.  Let’s keep that clear.  And the orange should not be optional.  It keeps away the dirt taste.

I should also note that I gave up my morning Diet Coke for hot water with lemon.  That might have been the start of the sour mood. #angrybitch

August 23, 2012

A Pleasant Evening Walk

Last night I had my first pleasant dog walk of the summer.  An evening in the 80s in August in Dallas is unheard of.  The pleasantries ended at the weather…

Walking an 85 lb lab and a 75 lb shepherd mix is not the most relaxing thing in the world.  At least for the first mile. They both wear leads because they are stronger than me, are very strong willed, and let’s be honest…not that well trained.  The problem with the leads is that people assume they are muzzles.  Mothers walking with their young children immediately cross the street when they see us coming.  No, my dogs are not going to bite, but they might lick your kid.  Especially if he is still crusty from whatever snack he recently consumed.

Lucy, the female, marks 2-3 times every block. Between her squats, she likes to roll in anything that could be dead or possibly smell of death.  She nose dives into it and then rolls on her back like she is getting the best belly rub of her life.

Fred, the male, doesn’t mark.  Instead, he spends the entire walk on high alert for his arch-nemesis.  Cats.  We live in the city, so cats are like squirrels for you suburb folks. When I don’t let him chase the cats, he immediately throws a temper tantrum.  Kicks his legs, refuses to move, and cries at the top of his doggy lungs.  This is a painful and pitiful bellow that goes on and on…and on.  I am left to do nothing but stand there and watch him.  Have you tried to drag a 75 lb dog that doesn’t want to move?  One time I actually picked him up and walked away from the crowd that was stopping to watch us.  This is one of the many reasons why we lovingly call him Dickhead Fred.

The good news is that they can sense evil.  Fred has even trapped a thief in our backyard.  They also scared the crap out of a creepy looking man lurking in an alley last night.  I don’t think he will be visiting our house anytime soon.  Fred has got quite the reputation that he is upholding very well.  Let’s just hope cats and creepers don’t cross his path at the same time.

It isn’t all bad though.  Lucy eventually runs out of pee and Fred gives up on cat hunting.  By the time we return home with both dogs thoroughly exhausted and trailing behind me, I have promised to teach them obedience or never walk them together again.  But I know I will break that promise.  What fun is a walk without a little excitement and embarrassment.  Who wants to go on just…a walk?

August 15, 2012

The Next Julia Child: ME!

Today would have been Julia Child’s 100th birthday.  I kind of adore her.  And I can honestly say I enjoyed her before the Julie and Julia movie.  Speaking of the movie, I am hoping someone will hire me to have my own real life Julie and Julia experience.  Anyone want to pay me to make all her recipes and blog about it?  People tell me I am pretty funny, so it could be entertaining and maybe make a better movie.  I’ll even write in a Julia accent and refrain from using 4 letter words.  I read that she doesn’t like that in the kitchen.  I should disclose now that I’m terrible at following directions, so they might have to be Julia inspired recipes.

What do you think?  Any takers?  I am ready and willing to start tonight.  I even have pork chops thawed and a bowl of onions ready to chop.  You know how to reach me.  I will leave it up to you.

Oh heck, forget paying me.  Just pay for my groceries.  Did you see that…I am already substituting 4 letter words.  Mom would be so proud.

August 14, 2012

Monday Night Dinner

Last night was our usual Monday night dinner when I cook for the husband.  I got fancy this week and brought out the decanter and candles!  I’ll post recipes soon.  The photos will have to do for now.

August 10, 2012

I’m Pimping My Husband

I have decided to pimp the husband.  Okay, not him literally, but I am going to pimp his design skills.  He created a pretty badass piece of furniture, and it is time to market the ish out of it.  I am introducing to you, my loyal blog followers, the Wheelbarrow Chair!  *eruption of cheers*

Have you ever been to a backyard party and run out of chairs?  After too many drinks in the sun and very tired feet, the husband discovered that sitting in a wheelbarrow with the handles tipped down is pretty damn comfortable.  The following morning with a much clearer head, he thought about his rad chair discovery.  Unfortunately it is pretty ugly in its natural form.  Good thing he like to design furniture! *lightbulb*  Now it is sexy enough for a living room and can even spice up a waiting room.  I initially declared it patio furniture and banned it from the house until I saw the finished product.  Now it is the piece de resistance of our own living room.  I even picked the lovely shade of green, which can be customized to your own favorite color.

Here are the details.   The chair is a wheelbarrow bucket with birch plywood legs and steel bracing. The finish is an automotive grade urethane that is extremely durable. All exposed nuts and bolts are stainless steel.  You get all of this for only $400!  Oh yes, the very low price of $400!  It is almost too good be true.  A custom, handmade chair for only $400!

For inquiries, you can contact his wife.  That would be me.  He doesn’t answer his phone.  Or his email.  It irritates the crap out of me.  Serious inquiries preferred, but I’ll take what I can get.

The husband’s loving wife, Misty

August 9, 2012

Don’t Get Duped by Pinterest Recipes

I have seen some pins claiming to be the world’s best salsa, and I feel it is my duty to set the record straight with the recipe for the real world’s best salsa.  I have been duped by Pinterest recipes before, and it was a sad day in the Sanford kitchen.

What was my first clue that these pins were a sad imitation?  Cilantro and lime were missing.  Isn’t that a staple, like tomatoes?

This is a basic salsa recipe that will knock your salsa dancing socks off. That was cheesy.

Back to Basics Salsa

  • 28 oz can of peeled tomatoes
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 4-6 garlic cloves, chopped
  • Juice of 2 limes
  • Handful of cilantro, chopped
  • 1/2 – 1 tsp cumin
  • 2-5 peppers, mix of serrano and jalapeno, chopped
  • S&P to taste

Throw it all in a blender.  Don’t puree though.  The pulse button is perfect for salsa.  Taste as you pulse so that you can make any necessary adjustments.  I put this salsa on everything.  Eggs, chicken, veggies, you name it.

Need to troubleshoot your salsa?

  • Too flat?  Add more lime or cilantro.
  • Too watery?  Add a little cumin or garlic.
  • Not spicy enough?  Add more pepper.  The level of heat in each pepper is unpredictable.  You might need 3 jalapenos one time and 2 the next.


August 8, 2012

The Truth Hurts

This conversation just happened with someone in my coworking space.  The truth hurts.

Bob:  We need to hit this networking group together next week. It is supposed to be amazing.  Everyone that is everyone in Dallas is there.
Me:  Is it early in the morning?
Bob:  Yeah…7:00… *look of disappointment*
Bob:  I know you are wine drinker, so it might be hard for you.

Ouch!  I don’t think he was kidding.  I do like wine, but not that much.  Okay, maybe that much, but I can give it up.  I don’t really want to, but I can if I have to.  No wine tonight.  Maybe I will have a beer instead.

Totally kidding, guys.  I don’t have a problem and don’t drink that much.  Poor Bob is very misinformed or he has read too many of my blog posts.  You decide.

August 3, 2012

Come Clean Friday – No Babies!

Have you missed Come Clean Friday?  I have.  I have a lot to confess.  This confession is about babies.  Here it goes.

I got up early Tuesday morning to get a head start on my workload.  When I say early, I mean 8:00 am.  Life is amazing when you make your own schedule.  Before you shake your head in disappointment, you should know that I often work until 2 am.

Back to the story.  I was up working early when the husband decided to drag his lazy ass out of bed. He walks into our home office/guest room/closet/art studio and asks me to dinner that evening.  I look at him a little bewildered and say, “Sure, I can cook us something delicious tonight.”  He gives me a shy smile and corrects me by saying, “No, baby, I want to take you on a date.”  You know that made me melt.

We have “dates” all the time.  Fancy dinners on a Tuesday and delicious cocktails on a Wednesday are not out of the norm for us.  What can I say, we like food and booze.  But, he rarely asks me on a date!  What will I wear?!

Soon after the romantic glow infected me, I got skeptical.  What does he want?  Does he want to tell me something?  Is he trying to soften the blow with a sweet invitation to dinner?  Oooohhhhhh shit…he wants a baby.  I knew we shouldn’t hang out with our bad ass baby neighbor, Cooper.  He is seriously the coolest baby in the world.  Damn it!  I immediately started mentally preparing a negotiation plan to buy more time.

He called me at 5:00 to remind me of our date.  This is also unusual.  I typically call him at 7:00 to remind him that it is dinner time and then we eat around 10:00.  So he calls me, and I really get curious.  I get in the shower and ponder it some more.  Shut your mouth, I often do not bother to shower until just before he gets home.  I sit in my filth all day, and his impending arrival is my hygiene deadline.

Turns out our date fell to pieces.  We are a much better at being spontaneous.  Everywhere he wanted to go was either booked or closed.  That’s okay.  We ended up spending the evening at three of our favorite Oak Cliff spots with some of our favorite bartenders and managers.  We even got into the newest local hot spot, Boulevardier.  Didn’t eat there, but their French wine caught my drool while I was reviewing the menu.

And guess what…no mention of babies!  I even forgot about it by the end of the night.  I came clean with him the following evening.  He looked at me like I had three heads and said, “Do you think I am ready to give up fancy dinners on Tuesday and delicious cocktails on Wednesday?”  Whew!  We are still on the same page and have a few more years of freedom.  Mom, stop counting down the days.

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