Archive for ‘Wild Card’

July 17, 2013

Do you have a Dream Board?

Screen Shot 2013-07-17 at 9.26.22 AMDo you have a dream board?  Typically I hear the phrase dream board and I give a giant eye roll.  Magazines, scissors, glue…  Just give me some decoupage and I will make you a collage while I am at it.  Gag.

Well, I read an article on LinkedIn this morning that inspired me to create one.  I literally stopped the project I was pretending to work on to create my dream board.  Why the sudden change of heart do you ask?  The writer suggested Pinterest.  That means no glue and creepy cutouts of waify models!  And we all know I love pinterest.  I have also been a bit distracted lately, so I thought maybe a dream board would help me refocus.  I don’t know.  Maybe I am about to get my period and needed a girly moment.

So the board has been created, and it is private.  Sorry folks!  A wise person, the husband, once told me that you should not share your goals with others.  The act of talking about it makes you think you are making progress when you are most likely dragging your feet.  I pull this crap all the time.  So, I made my dream board private partly for this reason.  The other reason is because, well, dreams are just sort of private.

I will reveal one item on my dream board.  Write a book.  Now you have to tell me one of your dreams.

May 28, 2013

Chainsaws and Coffee – Just another Tuesday Morning

chainsawI was working at our dining room table early this morning (like 8:30) when I heard the distinct rumble of the bulk pick up trash guys entering our neighborhood.  Actually, Fred heard them and started to growl.  He doesn’t care for them.  Probably has something to do with the giant claw removing stuff from his property.

This is when I remembered that the husband and I had still not cut down the 2 almost dead trees in our front yard, and I simply could not deal with looking at them for another month.  I happened to be at a good stopping point with the project I was working on, so I threw on a baseball cap and running shoes and then ran out the front door with a chainsaw and a burning desire to be destructive.

Using a chainsaw makes you feel so…tough…and strong.  I made way more cuts than I needed to because I just wanted to keep chopping.  Or is it sawing?  I even thought about yelling “TIMBER!” but I didn’t want to scare the old lady walking her prissy little dog.

This story gets better.  I was still in my pajamas.  In the front yard.  And, my burly man of a husband was sitting inside surfing the internet in his underwear while his girly little wife went chainsaw massacre on two sad trees.  Our poor neighbors.

May 16, 2013

One Very Bitter Ghost

GhostOur house is haunted, and it is the husband’s fault.  He pissed off a ghost, and that angry spirit is clearly trying to send us a message.

We had a small kitchen fire a few weeks ago. Like our other two fires, this one was fairly minor.  All humans and pets were safe (except for a fish named Einstein), and we discovered it just before potential massive damage.

Once we got things under control, we resumed our wine drinking and BS’ing in the neighbor’s backyard. That is when someone made a joke about our house being haunted. I mean, what kind of idiots have 3 fires in under 3 years.  Ummm…people who have pissed off a ghost!

So about 5 years ago–long before I ever met him–the husband was doing some work in our crawlspace when he found a cedar box filled with ashes. In his infinite wisdom, he and his buddies weighed the ashes (they were in a bag in the box), and after a little research, they determined it was either a small human or a very, very large dog.  Well what does one do with ashes of something that was clearly cremated?  Why throw it away of course!  Yes folks, he threw away the ashes of someone’s loved one.  In the garbage.

And that is why we now have to get our home blessed before this bitter being burns it down.  All of these almost catastrophes are getting a bit tired.  Any recommendations for someone who talks to dead people?  The husband would like to express his sincerest apologies.

April 25, 2013

I Want a Motorcycle

cafe-racerI am too old for a quarter-life crisis and too young for a midlife crisis, but I am clearly going through something.  I am about to turn 32, and I want a motorcycle.  I must now mention that I have never driven a motorcycle.  Not once.  I have been on the back of one plenty of times.  I know you are supposed to lean when you turn.  Can’t get much harder than that, can it?

I don’t want a Harley or a crotch rocket.  Those are so not me.  I want a vintage café racer!  The husband and I parked next to one a couple weeks ago, and I immediately knew it had to be mine.  I know the one I get someday will be old and in need of work.  It makes the most financial sense for this probably somewhat fleeting obsession.  I’ve even started prematurely planning the paint, seat, and my helmet.  All the important stuff.  Move over pinterest, mama is looking up biker blogs!

I also have zero desire to every drive it on Dallas highways or any roads where speeds exceed 50 mph.  I am a sissy.  This will strictly be a neighborhood commuter.  Trips to the coffee shop, the gym, and lunch dates.   BTW – I am also scared of riding it in the dark; hence, the lunch dates.  A Vespa (or a fixie) might be more appropriate, but it would be so boring and so very, very predictable.

February 1, 2013

Inspiration and Coffee

photo

Relaxing morning coffee. Ignore the hair.

I am sitting in a condo in Breckenridge, drinking champagne, and just thinking about how good life is.  Everyone else is asleep, I am exhausted, but I don’t want this evening to end.  I didn’t realize how ready I was for a mini vaca until yesterday.  It is only January 31, but it has already been one of my most challenging but also wonderful years.

One of my closest friends, Michelle, and I both worked most of the day from various coffee shops and then eventually wine bars while the husbands skied.  Of course we did a little shopping during our treks between locals, but we actually spent a good part of the day sitting together, working, and sharing our stories. It was a wonderfully productive day and so relaxing at the same time.   I was able to sit, think, and really enjoy the moment.

Anytime I start to question whether or not I have the guts to continue to work for myself, something seems to happen that makes everything feel perfectly right.  Even if it is only perfectly right for right now.  Now let’s be honest, I typically question it when I want to buy a piece of vintage furniture or a handbag that isn’t quite in the budget for a fiscally responsible woman like myself.  You know, those super superficial moments.  Somehow fate or something like that steps in and tells me I am on the right track.

I met with a new client on Tuesday, and they completely inspired me.  They are a small group and are beyond passionate about their product.  It was so refreshing.  AND, they hired me to brand them and tell their story!  I could not be more excited.  I have had opportunities with some big boys, but these little guys are what really get me going.  I even got a love note (that’s what I call sweet emails) from them today, and it was worth 10x more than any 4 star review I ever got in the corporate world (I was always far too outspoken to get 5 stars).  I don’t have a huge team or big budgets.  This is all me, and that is my inspiration.  Sometimes it scares me to death, but it is worth every single drop in this damn roller coaster ride.

The bubbles came later in the day.

The bubbles came later in the day.

January 6, 2013

Saying Goodbye

lucyThis has been the hardest week of my life.  I had to say goodbye to my best friend, Lucy.  She had been battling bone cancer and did an amazing job hiding it.  She finally gave away her secret over the holidays and let us share her pain.

I honestly never thought this day would come. I kept tacking on another year to her life span with every birthday that passed.  I was convinced she would be at least 13.  Not almost 9.  It isn’t fair, but our 9 years together were beyond special.  We went through so much and were always a duo.  There was even a time when I wasn’t known as Misty, but Misty & Lucy!

When I realized that the end was near, I was so scared of making the decision to help her leave.  But in true Lucy fashion, she took control and told me when it was time.  She looked at me Friday morning refusing to break eye contact and even pawed at my tears until I understood.  We then spent the rest of the day and her final night cuddled on her bed.

The last 9 years of my life were better because Lucy was part of it.  She might not be here physically, but she will always be part of me and part of my heart.  I love you, baby girl.

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December 16, 2012

That Awkward Moment

One of these things is not like the others.  One of these things just doesn’t belong.

Do you ever hear a song playing in your head when you walk into a room?  I do occasionally.  Sometimes I feel like I have a mental soundtrack for my life.  One of those soundtrack moments happened this afternoon.  Sesame Street’s “One of these things is not like the others” was my tune of choice when the husband and I walked into a baby shower for some good friends.  It wasn’t the terrible let’s play cheesy games and humiliate the future mom kind of shower.  Thank god.  It was a couples deal with food and cocktails.  Good time.

I know you are probably thinking, “Good time and cocktails, so why do you not belong?”  Well, we walked in the front door and saw baby after baby after baby.  I think I even blurted, “Holy babies!”  There were that many.  You know how babies look kind of generic, and you could switch them out and not even notice?  There wasn’t any switcheroo going on.  There were about 8 babies there.

So the fact that we don’t have a baby was reason #1 we didn’t belong.  Reason #2 was exposed during conversation.  We realized everyone there knew everyone but us.  We were like this weird childless couple that doesn’t go to church.  Oh yeah, they all go to the same church.  Church isn’t our thing, so I am sometimes a little awkward in these situations.  I don’t know the rules in big groups.  I accidently swear or use the Lord’s name in vain just because I am hypersensitive to the fact that I shouldn’t yell SWEET BABY JESUS when a child shrieks at the top of her lungs.  Okay, I didn’t really do that.  It was more of an internal statement in my head.

I eventually got past my awkwardness, relaxed, and met some lovely people.  That was until it was gift time. Our gift was not appropriate for all crowds or all future grandmothers.  Didn’t really think about that when I chose to ditch the registry. What did the biggest, unfiltered smart asses in the room decide to bring as a gift?  Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach.  Who needs nursery rhymes when you have a f**cking crying baby?

The future Dad loved it just like I knew he would.  We even got a few high fives from the other guests. Maybe we do belong!  But it was a bit of a surprise for the future grandmother. I will admit that I am still chucking to myself when I recall the look on her face when she read the book title.  Poor woman; I am sorry.  Not that sorry though.  It was priceless.

 

 

 

September 14, 2012

Stalker Traffic

I always get a little tickled when my name shows up in the referring search terms for my blog traffic.  This week “Misty Browning Sanford” and “Misty Browning Sanford, Dallas” made a few appearances.  Someone was doing a very deliberate search for me.  Well, I see you!  I don’t know who you are, but you have been crowned my new stalker.  Yeah… Stalker might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it makes me feel special.

If you, my stalker friend, are reading this, don’t worry.  There is no shame in googling friends and randoms.  I search people’s names all the time.  I am curious by nature.

What tickles me about this whole thing is that people are finding ThePlasticJungle.com when they are probably looking for a LinkedIn profile.   Can you imagine their reaction when they find stories about the husband, my fear of babies, and Dickhead Fred‘s antics?  Hopefully they have a sense of humor, because it just got a whole lot more personal than a LinkedIn profile.

September 13, 2012

Cool Kid-isms

I am afraid of having a boring kid.  Call me crazy, but I want a kid that is pure sass and smart ass…in a respectful way of course.

I am sure a shy and sweet kid would be nice, but what a snoozefest!  I want a terror!  Okay, not a terror.  The kid can’t break my shit or turn our home into a tornado zone.    I just want one that speaks her mind and has a personality that shines a little brighter than the others.  Does it work like that?

Before you ask, NOOOO I am not pregnant.  I just found a hilarious blog that shares the anecdotes of a 4 year old.  I was almost in tears of laughter a couple times.  Cami, I hope my future kid is half as clever as you.

http://www.camisms.com/

September 9, 2012

Travel Bug

I have an itch to travel.  I haven’t been on a plane in 4 months.  Yikes!  I need to get out of town pronto!  No, I need to get out of the US!  I found some flight deals and did a little scheming.  I knew it had to be something good for the husband to agree to a last minute trip out of the country.

I was barely keeping it together while I was waiting for him to get home from work.  He is kind of used to this.  Since I have been working from home, I tend to completely vomit all over him with stories and thoughts the moment he walks in the door.  I have even started keeping a list so that I don’t constantly barrage him with texts, IMs, and emails throughout the day.  Pretty pathetic, but I can’t forget to tell him every single important detail of my day…

This day was extra special though.  I had found an amazing deal to Ireland, home of Rory McIlroy.  This is a BIG deal in the Sanford house.  At least I thought it was.  I kind of imagine my excitement about this was like the excitement he felt when he proposed to me.  Eh…maybe not that high, but close.

The husband walks in the door
Me:  I have an idea!
The Husband:  *raises his eyebrows as if to say,“yessss”*
Me:  I spent some time on the google machine this afternoon and found an amazing deal.
The Husband:  *raises his eyebrows again*
Me:  Let’s go to Ireland!
The Husband:  Ireland??
Me:  Yeah, Ireland!  We can get there for dirt cheap, and I want to get away.
The Husband:  How about we go hiking in Arkansas for a long weekend.
Me:  *blink blink*
The Husband:  *blink blink*

Yeah, it went down like that.  Apparently he got all adult and responsible on me and doesn’t approve of going to Europe on a whim anymore.  Whatever.  Next time I am just booking the damn tickets.

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