Posts tagged ‘baby’

December 16, 2012

That Awkward Moment

One of these things is not like the others.  One of these things just doesn’t belong.

Do you ever hear a song playing in your head when you walk into a room?  I do occasionally.  Sometimes I feel like I have a mental soundtrack for my life.  One of those soundtrack moments happened this afternoon.  Sesame Street’s “One of these things is not like the others” was my tune of choice when the husband and I walked into a baby shower for some good friends.  It wasn’t the terrible let’s play cheesy games and humiliate the future mom kind of shower.  Thank god.  It was a couples deal with food and cocktails.  Good time.

I know you are probably thinking, “Good time and cocktails, so why do you not belong?”  Well, we walked in the front door and saw baby after baby after baby.  I think I even blurted, “Holy babies!”  There were that many.  You know how babies look kind of generic, and you could switch them out and not even notice?  There wasn’t any switcheroo going on.  There were about 8 babies there.

So the fact that we don’t have a baby was reason #1 we didn’t belong.  Reason #2 was exposed during conversation.  We realized everyone there knew everyone but us.  We were like this weird childless couple that doesn’t go to church.  Oh yeah, they all go to the same church.  Church isn’t our thing, so I am sometimes a little awkward in these situations.  I don’t know the rules in big groups.  I accidently swear or use the Lord’s name in vain just because I am hypersensitive to the fact that I shouldn’t yell SWEET BABY JESUS when a child shrieks at the top of her lungs.  Okay, I didn’t really do that.  It was more of an internal statement in my head.

I eventually got past my awkwardness, relaxed, and met some lovely people.  That was until it was gift time. Our gift was not appropriate for all crowds or all future grandmothers.  Didn’t really think about that when I chose to ditch the registry. What did the biggest, unfiltered smart asses in the room decide to bring as a gift?  Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach.  Who needs nursery rhymes when you have a f**cking crying baby?

The future Dad loved it just like I knew he would.  We even got a few high fives from the other guests. Maybe we do belong!  But it was a bit of a surprise for the future grandmother. I will admit that I am still chucking to myself when I recall the look on her face when she read the book title.  Poor woman; I am sorry.  Not that sorry though.  It was priceless.




September 13, 2012

Cool Kid-isms

I am afraid of having a boring kid.  Call me crazy, but I want a kid that is pure sass and smart ass…in a respectful way of course.

I am sure a shy and sweet kid would be nice, but what a snoozefest!  I want a terror!  Okay, not a terror.  The kid can’t break my shit or turn our home into a tornado zone.    I just want one that speaks her mind and has a personality that shines a little brighter than the others.  Does it work like that?

Before you ask, NOOOO I am not pregnant.  I just found a hilarious blog that shares the anecdotes of a 4 year old.  I was almost in tears of laughter a couple times.  Cami, I hope my future kid is half as clever as you.

April 7, 2011

Baby Pact

The fiancé and I keep getting the baby question now that we are engaged.  The mom car doesn’t help either.  We are a long way from making a baby, but we did make a pact last weekend.  We will have NO plastic furniture or accessories in our home.  Plastic in primary colors does not coordinate with our sputnik chandelier and cowhide rug.  Naïve?  Nah.  Isn’t the kid supposed to conform to our taste and lifestyle?  It doesn’t care if the nursery is baby blue or a sexy gray, but mama does.  The fiancé even created some mid-century modern Lincoln Logs with real wood.  It was sort of an accident, but they are bad ass.  Now I just need to package and market it.  It will certainly be a hit in the cliff.

Speaking of babies, I attended a baby shower last night and walked away with a load of new knowledge.  That’s not hard to do.  And it’s probably time for me to learn.  Do you know that babies have poop bags?  I would rather save money and use Lucy’s bags from the dog park.  They both smell like powder and serve the same purpose.  I also learned that moms change over 7000 diapers over 2 years. WHAT?!  That is reason enough for me to never touch a diaper until it is my own kid’s.  Hell, I may even delegate that duty to someone else.

Last night was my first baby shower that didn’t serve alcohol…maybe that’s why I learned so much.  When my gf Jenn had her baby, I sent her sangria recipes so she could be adequately prepared for my attendance.  Brilliant plan on my part.  The other non-moms loved me.

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