Posts tagged ‘marriage’

May 16, 2013

One Very Bitter Ghost

GhostOur house is haunted, and it is the husband’s fault.  He pissed off a ghost, and that angry spirit is clearly trying to send us a message.

We had a small kitchen fire a few weeks ago. Like our other two fires, this one was fairly minor.  All humans and pets were safe (except for a fish named Einstein), and we discovered it just before potential massive damage.

Once we got things under control, we resumed our wine drinking and BS’ing in the neighbor’s backyard. That is when someone made a joke about our house being haunted. I mean, what kind of idiots have 3 fires in under 3 years.  Ummm…people who have pissed off a ghost!

So about 5 years ago–long before I ever met him–the husband was doing some work in our crawlspace when he found a cedar box filled with ashes. In his infinite wisdom, he and his buddies weighed the ashes (they were in a bag in the box), and after a little research, they determined it was either a small human or a very, very large dog.  Well what does one do with ashes of something that was clearly cremated?  Why throw it away of course!  Yes folks, he threw away the ashes of someone’s loved one.  In the garbage.

And that is why we now have to get our home blessed before this bitter being burns it down.  All of these almost catastrophes are getting a bit tired.  Any recommendations for someone who talks to dead people?  The husband would like to express his sincerest apologies.

August 3, 2012

Come Clean Friday – No Babies!

Have you missed Come Clean Friday?  I have.  I have a lot to confess.  This confession is about babies.  Here it goes.

I got up early Tuesday morning to get a head start on my workload.  When I say early, I mean 8:00 am.  Life is amazing when you make your own schedule.  Before you shake your head in disappointment, you should know that I often work until 2 am.

Back to the story.  I was up working early when the husband decided to drag his lazy ass out of bed. He walks into our home office/guest room/closet/art studio and asks me to dinner that evening.  I look at him a little bewildered and say, “Sure, I can cook us something delicious tonight.”  He gives me a shy smile and corrects me by saying, “No, baby, I want to take you on a date.”  You know that made me melt.

We have “dates” all the time.  Fancy dinners on a Tuesday and delicious cocktails on a Wednesday are not out of the norm for us.  What can I say, we like food and booze.  But, he rarely asks me on a date!  What will I wear?!

Soon after the romantic glow infected me, I got skeptical.  What does he want?  Does he want to tell me something?  Is he trying to soften the blow with a sweet invitation to dinner?  Oooohhhhhh shit…he wants a baby.  I knew we shouldn’t hang out with our bad ass baby neighbor, Cooper.  He is seriously the coolest baby in the world.  Damn it!  I immediately started mentally preparing a negotiation plan to buy more time.

He called me at 5:00 to remind me of our date.  This is also unusual.  I typically call him at 7:00 to remind him that it is dinner time and then we eat around 10:00.  So he calls me, and I really get curious.  I get in the shower and ponder it some more.  Shut your mouth, I often do not bother to shower until just before he gets home.  I sit in my filth all day, and his impending arrival is my hygiene deadline.

Turns out our date fell to pieces.  We are a much better at being spontaneous.  Everywhere he wanted to go was either booked or closed.  That’s okay.  We ended up spending the evening at three of our favorite Oak Cliff spots with some of our favorite bartenders and managers.  We even got into the newest local hot spot, Boulevardier.  Didn’t eat there, but their French wine caught my drool while I was reviewing the menu.

And guess what…no mention of babies!  I even forgot about it by the end of the night.  I came clean with him the following evening.  He looked at me like I had three heads and said, “Do you think I am ready to give up fancy dinners on Tuesday and delicious cocktails on Wednesday?”  Whew!  We are still on the same page and have a few more years of freedom.  Mom, stop counting down the days.

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